Well here we are, the end of May. I’ve been sending out this newsletter for a whole month! That’s pretty good! I was having a chat about something else with my business coach a few days ago, and pointing out that I don’t really feel like I’ve “achieved” certain goals. “Yeah, but look at all the other stuff you have done that gets you closer to that??” Oh, right. Hi. You did sign up for this and, I suppose, so did I.

I got bit by a cat the other night and I am feeling miserable, so this will probably be shorter than not. Or it’ll be longer than I mean to and kind of weird. Oh, the cat bite? Yeah so a friend is out of town so I was checking in on his cat and we were having a good time, he was a little swipey but he (the cat) is always like that because his previous home situation was super stresso and not a good fit for his magnificence. Anyway I moved my hand in a way that triggered him and this “looks super fluffy but also is actually BIG” 20lb. cat just… got me. Chomped down right good on the back of my right hand, and now I’ve got two impressive puncture marks that will probably be adding to my Scars From Cats collection. Never been bit that severely by a cat before and I can’t say I recommend it.

Tomorrow I’m to get an x-ray, not sure what that might show but urgent care said to and my insurance covers it. I’m waiting for a referral to a hand surgeon because, tbhwy (is that an actively used abbreviation?) I can’t really use my hand much rn. Opening and closing my fingers is verrrry slow, and grip strength is almost gone. Typing is okay but writing by hand is… unpleasant, even with the superior ergonomics of a fountain pen. Any movement of my wrist hurts in the “stop that right now” way so they gave me an impressively thorough brace (all black, thankfully). I do have concerns about nerve/tendon damage, but the medical complex wheels are in motion now so there’s not much point in worrying about the what-ifs until a doctor says to. Also these antibiotics are making me queasy.

☑️ Did it - had a great afternoon out (and outside) with my friend, did a bunch of inbox tidying/organization, rested when my body needed it, did lots of photo editing, did video production work for an upcoming release.

📋 Gonna do it - X-rays and specialist referrals, oh my. The uncertainty leaves the rest of the week rather ambiguous. Only solid plans so far are a group coaching call with my business cohort on Monday morning, and Irma’s vet appointment for vaccine updates and labwork that afternoon. Might see about getting outside to drink a beer at some point later in the week.

The macro view: Had a rather productive month, all things considered. Shot (and edited) two custom videos for fans, and one new video for my own concept. My body kept trying to fall apart, so I took a lot of extra rest days to tape it back together. Did some great work on BTS plottings and mindset shifts, stuff that doesn’t really show up on paper (or screens). Started shifting some of my methods for posting on my fansites. Did a mini shoot with a touring band from Greece. Took a lot of photos with my new camera in general. Tackled some home organization work that I’d been putting off for toooooo long (and felt better for it). Had a lot of other Big Project days but also had a lot of mix-and-match work days.

What fell by the wayside: While I did some basic maintenance and management work for Hustle to Hire, I didn’t make the specific progress that I wanted to and I’m frustrated that I didn’t prioritize the work more. Didn’t do any digital organization, either. Didn’t finish my chainmaille project, but I did put some hours into it and it’s so close.

BujoSotM: Here’s where I ended up for May 2025. Filled in a lot of the daily lines, but also had some excellent days that didn’t really have any kind of notable focus to them. Some days are just days, you know? It’s not realistic to be exceptional all the time (yes, even you).

I used to do my Habit trackers vertically, but I find it helps me asses my own patterns to have them set up calender grid-view, you know? Easier to pick up on patterns from week to week. Like, my best days for exercise are Mondays and Thursdays, I tend to focus self care activities to later in the week, and I’m pretty rubbish about having a consistent “day off” from my main gig (MAD stands for Merrick, After Dark). Sundays are my most consistent rest day, I do most of my routine housework tasks on Tuesdays and Fridays. While the habit trackers below don’t hint at this issue, by Thursday my whole being is often quite mushy and I really need to consider what to do differently on those days that still feels productive.

As a Pisces, and as a sex worker, I know a thing or two about duality. The hunter vs. the agriculturalist. The trick to living with dualities is knowing which version is the best fit for any given situation. Hunters adapt on the fly; farmers adapt over time. Both put food on the table, they just take a different path to get there.

🎬 Watching - I finally got around to watching Byzantium (2012). It was lovely and full of blood, romantic in a naive (but not), idealistic way, and angry in the way that women are angry at the world. I didn’t realize going into it that the same director did Interview with a Vampire (1994), but the look is there. Same coin different side.

👚 Wearing - Thanks to a tip from a supporter, I picked up a t-shirt from designer Rob Sheridan’s Pop Skullture collection. This RGB glitch skull, specifically. Yes, yet another black t-shirt with a skull on it! Shocking I know, but, this one is very colourful. Looks like the shirts are still on sale until June 2 (Monday). I’ve been a fan of Rob’s art for some time now—you probably know him from all that cool glitchy NIN art? Yeah, that guy—so I look forward to having this in my rotation.

🏡 Cozy - Someone got me this pillow from Muji, and I’ve been dragging it all over my apartment to wherever I am throughout the day. So far I’ve used it in bed at night, while napping, as back support while sitting at my desk, and as a lap pillow for when I’m scrolling and/or working on my phone (the primary reason I’d been wanting one). With my joints being so incredibly sassy this past year, the extra support has been really nice.

💊 Medication - I’m taking Moxifloxacin as my 5-day course of antibiotics. I’m allergic to amoxicillin and, thusly, most all ‘cillins, so antibiotics are always a thing with me (almost all generics contain cillins). Ironically, this non-cillined antibiotic actually increases your risk of tendon rupture(!) so no heavy exercise or even low-impact yoga for me this week. Shucks.

🕯️ Scent - I was elated to finally find a box of the Engimono Usagi Incense locally (link is for display purposes only, buy it wherever suits you). Last fall I had smelled a “tester” stick but they were out of Usagi at the time so I picked up the Suzume scent from the same brand. This ain’t the nag champa you used to burn in college babe, we’re adults now; this is an offering for your home, one that invites you into ritual and connectedness with your space. 🧘‍♀️ Also it just smells, like, really good, too.

Time for me to go lie down again. Thanks for joining me, yet again, in this weird Internet space. Hopefully next week I’ll have some good news/progress on this whole hand business, and on other things, and then we can start to delve into June’s potential.

Try to not get bit by anything this week (unless you’re into that) and either way make sure your tetanus shot is up to date, and I’ll see you next time.

xox,