Okay I am actually less miserable now, thank you for your patience.

Nonetheless, the Everything of everything has all gone a bit sideways this week. Nothing has gone as expected, so of course I’m in a wee bit of panic about that. Why am I panicking about that? Idk, seemed fun. 🤷‍♀️ (J/k, it’s the autism.) I’ve had family in and out of town for a minor heart surgery—is there such a thing?? not the open-heart kind—and plans kept changing. But did those changes get consistently communicated? 😂 No. Many deep breaths were taken this week.

It’s frustrating because I had felt so poorly for the first week+ of December; I actually thought I was going to get some good productive work in this week. And I did! I did. Just not the stuff I had intended to do. So, I’m not miserable health-wise, but I am frustrated by the lack of control over my time.

And while I now find myself light on time for newslettering, I do find myself rich with photodocumentation of random things I saw through the week. So, this missive will have more photos than usual; I’m not sorry.

Remember back when “iPhoneography” was a thing? Like, it was preposterous(!) to think anyone could truly “do photography” on an iPhone; I believe the term was developed to showcase the creative potential of iPhones in their early popularity, wellllll before you could shoot ProRes 4k video on one. And now you can find a dozen different articles from the past year about the Gen Z revival of vintage digital cameras. 🙃 As if I wasn’t still lamenting spilling a cup of coffee in my bag and killing my first digicam, a Canon Powershot A1000, back around 2008, RIP any potential clout I could have had with the Youths. Regardless, it remains forever true that the best camera is the one you have on you.

The surgery went fine, btw, and by the time you’re reading this, the patient is resting and recovering nicely, and everyone else is on their way home.

☑️ Done and Done - Mnay very weird dreams this week but also many mornings waking up to the sound of rain, and started eating more normal foods again. Started plotting out some new habits to integrate and some new project roadmaps to work on in 2026; also plotted out some key astrological dates for 2026 on my Gcal including how they’ll impact me specifically. Two fillings, upper and lower, meant two shots of articaine and very little ability to control my face for several hours. Attended two of the three intended web streams. Went on a couple sunny walks with Irma, bought some gelato. Finished my holiday shopping.

📋 Coming up - One. More. Dental. Filling. There’s this 3-day virtual summit on sexuality and mental health for those in related pro-sex spaces, hosted by Pineapple Support, which partially conflicts with a dev livestream on Joystick.tv (NSFW!!! It’s like spicy Twitch) about their upcoming new website improvements. Also an artist talk with a photographer Stu Levy, which disrupts my normal work schedule so here’s hoping I actually do get some proper work done this week. But first: tonight I’m heading out to a Christmas sweater/mustache competition slash karaoke night at a strip club.

The above is a quote from When you’re doing your best but it still doesn’t feel like enough, a recent YouTube video by Vanessa Lau. Vanessa is what you might call a “business influencer,” though I find that term a bit reductive (more on that in a min). She was originally known as a business and productivity coach before hitting burnout and basically sinking that empire by stepping away cold-turkey for over a year. But that’s when I found her, in the rebuilding stage. She’s a delight, a reality-check Actual Human who is now building a nutritional boba tea company with her also-entrepreneurial husband.

I really adore Vanessa’s work, and I don’t think she gets enough credit in the business development-sphere. Dollars to donuts it’s because of her youth. When you’re young, people readily dismiss you as having any actual business capabilities or expertise, or if you’re Pretty-with-a-capital-P they immediately file you under “influencer” and dismiss you for that. (Ask me how I know! 🙄) But, game recognize game, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone with such innate business sensibilities who is also able to utilize modern communication platforms so effectively (Runner up: new contender @AskCatGPT, who just recently moved into the physical product market. She’s very, very clever, and bold.)

So anyway, while Vanessa has been very publicly building her SuperBoba company, she’s used it as an opportunity to continue doing some of the productivity education she was known for. But every once in a while, she puts out one of these “ramble yap” videos and honestly, I think these videos are the secret sauce of her presence online. No sponsors, no Notion templates, no hacks; it’s always just, “This is the reality of building a business online, the is the reality of being so visible online.” It makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but I think it’s important for someone with this size of a following to be so transparent about the sheer force of will required to build anything of scale, to be so committed to doing something that nobody else has done so you have to figure it out on your own.

I think her video Lets talk about feeling trapped by a niche and how to get unstuck, creator to creator from earlier this year was the first she did in this “ramble” format. Because it was certainly the first that made me go, oohhhhhhh this person Gets It. They’re really In It. Vanessa may be the very definition of “locked in” but her ramble videos are testament to the need to, occasionally, unlock. Stoicism isn’t about maintaining a stone-cold exterior all the time; you’re just supposed to set emotion aside for the moment until you have an opportunity to process it effectively.

Progress doesn’t feel like progress when you’re in it because you’re busy building, your eyes are on the road ahead not turning back to see how far you’ve come. It’s not until you pause and step to the side and analyze the journey that you’re able to quantify that yes, progress has been made. And growth, well, that just feels downright uncomfortable when you’re in it. Rudely so; the discomfort is so palpable at times it feels like a trial sent by the universe to test your mettle, to see whether you cave or step up to the challenge.

Some “watched pot never boils” consideration to bring into 2026! Eyes forward gang.

🎬 Movies - I watched Nobody (2021) and Nobody 2 (2025) over two nights, starting them when I’d usually be off to bed but instead I was finally just sitting down to decompress from the day. The first was a novel delight… it felt like what we’d have gotten if John Wick was made in the late-’00s and instead starred Nicolas Cage. The second felt like “maybe we can franchise this…?” but it was fine and a reasonable escalation over the first. Both are a nice tight hour-30, which I love in an action movie.

☕ Drinking - I started drinking coffee more consistently again this week, for the first time since I got sick. Amusingly, there is research being done around high caffeine intake being good for people with Lupus (one of my chronic illnesses), because it reduces inflammation. Is that why I despise doing anything before noon? Not enough anti-inflammatory medicine? Don’t talk to me until I’ve taken my 3 cups of medicinal coffee.

👕 Wearing - This time of year I switch out my daily sneakers for a pair of the Adidas Terrex Anylander hiking boot. It’s an ideal shoe for the PNW rainy season, with plenty of traction in both rainy and icy conditions. My feet always stay dry and pleasantly warm but not too warm!! Currently on sale for $80, though any of the Terrex boots are a worthwhile investment shoe if you walk a lot… and I can assure you it’s got better traction that your broken-in Docs (ask me how I know).

😬 Last week I was speaking on the benefits of failure, and learning to appreciate what failing offers even if it doesn’t feel good. A few days later I came across this video, The art and science of failing well. Sounds sound so scary when you put it like that!

🫣 Last week I also mentioned setting up shop on a new spicy content platform I had only just heard about, and it sounds like things are gathering steam (heh). It’s the sex worker-built app-like website Hidden (NSFW!!) and they’re hoping to take down OnlyFans. Godspeed, ladies. OnlyFans has recently announced plans to start doing background checks on new creators, but hasn’t been transparent about what they’re screening for.

🧸 I’m not planning to attend but this coming week is the annual Portland tradition, Tatas for Toys, wherein strippers raise money for a good cause. In fact, the event has placed Portland’s strippers at the top of Santa’s list as the largest donator of toys to the Doernbecher’s Childrens Hospital. ‘Tis the season to tip titties! Very cool to see the dancers receiving this recognition.

📍 The Pinterest Predicts 2026 thing I sat through was kind of a bust, and felt more like a commercial for hiring Pinterest to do your marketing than it did any sort of walk-through about the trends they’re seeing. Skip the replay and go straight to the 2026 Trends.PDF.

The holiday fervor is certainly upon us. I spent too much time in public spaces that were blasting Christmas music last week. So I’m glad I have some more serene plans in the days ahead, and will have a bit more control over my schedule and environment. Best of luck out there.

xox,