I’ll go ahead and kick this off by saying this feels vaguely awkward.

I came up on Thee Olde Internet, and started blogging via a personal website before CSS was a thing let alone MySpace. It’s been a number of years since I last engaged with blogging on the reg, or even writing frequently. It used to be people had to seek out and intentionally visit a blog or an RSS reader if they wanted to read what you wrote online, so writing this with the intention of sending it directly to you via email… it feels intimate, almost to the point of invasiveness. To accept me like that into your inbox, you must really want to read whatever I have to say… Again this feels weird but it’s also kind of cool and I’m kind of into it? Yeah.

So, what’s my goal for all this? That’s a great question, me. The easy answer is that I miss blogging, and while there are things that I want to write about, traditional website-based blogging doesn’t quite “do” what I want anymore. There’s too much pressure to SEO and strategize and niche down and content repurpose ecosystem flywheel skibidi Ohio. And I kind of just want to shoot the shit, you know? I want to niche up, to niche outwards in a way that encompasses the interconnectedness of my seemingly disparate interests and shines some light on the spaces in between the polished life we’ve been trained to curate for social media.

I also just want an outlet that’s smaller than social media. You never know what an algorithm is going to do with your post, and then if there’s no algorithm, is anyone going to see it? I get nervous about how my posts will be received, if they’ll be liked. Sometimes it’s just nerve-racking to share even random things let alone something personal, you know? I want this newsletter space to be shared with the best of my online following—oh hi—and not feel so much like I’m airing my (clean) underwear from the window of my streetside apartment.

I’m gonna be trying really hard to not overthink any of this and actually just let something evolve naturally for a change. It’ll be good practice for me. 😅 And hopefully, you’re going to enjoy these little missives from my kind of strange, somewhat mysterious life. Hopefully, you’re going to enjoy them so much that you are occasionally inspired to hit reply when I inevitably have questions or want input on things, OR when you have questions or just want to say that you found something interesting. My point being, please don’t hesitate to reply, because it’s gonna get really weird if I keep sending emails and can see how many people open them but don’t write back. 👀 No pressure tho.

The rest of this newsletter will be a pretty decent representation of what to expect moving forward, though I hope to keep these intros a bit shorter. The rest of it, all bets are off. As much as I have a loose concept of what I want to do and create here, please remember that I also have no idea what I’m doing, and that I rarely take myself seriously. Lfg.

The macro view: Did a bunch of wireframing work for H2H. Did a big 420 photoshoot for my fan sites. Had a goal to sell two customs, sold 3! Got an art commission from a friend. Bought a sweet vintage leather moto jacket. Started with a new virtual yoga studio. Had coffee with one friend and drinks with another. Fiiinally opened a biz banking account. Decided to start this newsletter(!).

What fell by the wayside: Still haven’t processed the video I shot for 420. Wanted to send at least one newsletter for H2H; didn’t. Didn’t do any publicly visible work for H2H, actually Hit a chunk of terrible sleep in the middle of the month that really derailed my exercise and productivity (and overall health).

Goals for May: Do more brand strategy work for H2H, and implement that new landing page so I can start posting actual blogs. Get my new business banking account connected to the current/live marketplace (and the test site). Send out that newsletter update. Take my dog Irma to the vet for her annual wellness + recurring bloodwork. Plan a trip to visit my mom in June. Repaint the wall behind my desk and hang some art. Begin working on a big reorganization of my 1Tb video content folder. Finish up a chainmaille project before a concert mid-month.

BujoSotM - (Listen, I’m still workshopping some of these sections and titles, yes? It’s the Bullet Journal Spread of the Month, obviously. 🙄) I actually got my monthly spread set up on May 1, which has not been the norm for me this year. I tend to fill in other dates on this calendar view as things schedule in or happen, so we’ll see how things look at the end of the month.

Every two weeks, I note the date and the current moon at the top of a journal page and start writing. Sometimes it’s one page, sometimes 5, sometimes a day or two late when shit happens. But, I show up and I do it, and it’s been four years of biweekly journal entries. Thanks for the guidance, Moon. Here’s where I’ll share a no-context gem or two from my latest entry, and maybe sometimes offer up a rumination or even a journal prompt if you’d like to join me on the next one (May 12th, make a note!).

I want to include little photo galleries in my newsletters. Unfortunately, Beehiiv isn’t really formatted to do that… I’ll have to play around with this more. To start, here’s some random, favourite April moments.

As many of you know, I’m a “spicy content creator” a.k.a. a sex worker/sworker. But, this isn’t about that! Well I mean, this newsletter is not going to be just a promo vehicle for or extension of that work. Instead, I want to talk about the daily grind of it all. Because what happens when you remove the sexy stuff from sex work? Turns out, it’s just work! Sorry.

If you’re an industry peer, I hope you’ll maybe learn something you can apply to your own work, or we can connect over a shared problem. If you’re a vanilla creator, well I plan to be doing more of that this year too. And if you’ve always just been curious about me and what I do, you’ll be learning waaay more about the scope of my work than you’ll know what to do with.

I don’t have much in the way of work notes or updates right now; I’ve mostly spent this past week working on this newsletter and dabbling here and there on various projects. But that does make this a prime opportunity for you to do that thing I mentioned in the intro: hit reply and send me a question or two! Please? Are you curious about my content creation gear, workflow hacks, or technical processes? Do you have more personal questions about my work, or mindset, or…? I’m curious to hear what you’re curious to read about! And either way I’ll have some more organically grown insights to offer in the next newsletter.

And, as many of you also know, I own a business called Hustle to Hire (sometimes referred to as H2H). It used to be called SWRolodex, but I recently registered it as a new LLC entity with a new name that’s far less likely to receive a C&D (though the original site is still in operation for now). While I’ve owned the business for a few years, this past year has had me diving deep on my own entrepreneurial journey, working to rebrand and restructure what I think could be a major resource—if only I would get my shit together.

But I’m chipping away at the work, and slowly the puzzle is starting to assemble into something resembling a “proper” business. The work is slow because I really want to get it right the first time—though I’m trying really hard to relinquish perfectionism there too—and my focus is mutable as I juggle doing a lot of this as a solopreneur. Which is ironic because the business is literally based around the concept of hiring others to help you offload some of the tasks of running a small business online. I’m trying, okay? Really.

A couple months ago I had the opportunity to join a four-month coaching cohort, which has been great for me and has led to a lot of revelations and subsequent progress. In March our focus was on content ecosystems, which I kind of got stuck on, mentally… probably because it was work I had overlooked and needed to do. The premise is that most content can be broken down into one of three categories: visibility, relationship, and leadership. And in examining how my own content for both my businesses fits these categories, I realized… do I really have any Leadership content?? Ummm wellll, it’s definitely something I’d say I’ve been… avoiding. I might even say I’ve been hiding from it. For… reasons.

I do want to build a really nice, useful blog chock full o’ leadership-grade content for Hustle to Hire, but I’m also just needing a personal outlet for my thoughts and stuff so that I can keep my presence in H2H personable but profesh. And of course, there’s some big feels around imposter syndrome and being perceived as a leader. So I guess this newsletter is kind of a form of desensitisation therapy for me? Weird. Sorry?

Anyway, probably more direct business chatter here next week, like maybe about the banking stuff I’m working on in another tab. Or maybe it’ll just be more mindset exposure therapy lol. Again, you signed up for this.

📺 Television - In April I finally gave in to temptation and started a rewatch of Highlander: The TV Series, starring Adrian Paul as Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod (it’s important you say the whole thing). This show strongly influenced my weirdness as a youth, and watching it again as an adult… wow, there are some elements of my ongoing personal style and interests that make a lot more sense now. ⚔️ I’m loving all the cameos of celebrities who roll through as some kind of fellow immortal or bad guy. Also, Duncan is such an affable guy! Such a gigglepuss! Adorbs.

🎵 Music - I’ve gotten really into attending Bandcamp Listening Parties, especially when the artist(s) host/join the chat. While I hit a few this past week, the standout was the stream for Alone In The Hollow Garden’s new release, Womb ov Da’ath. The Romanian artist talked a lot about his process, gathering inspiration from a variety of esoteric spiritual practices and using his music as a form of ritual devotion. He also talked a bit about the instruments he uses, which led to this gem:

👾 Gaming - Still not sure what to do about the announcement of a Diablo IV x Berserk collab, except, you know, play it when it drops on May 6 lol. I haven’t played Diablo IV in a while so I’m overdue for a binge. Lmk if you’ll be logging on as well? I’m not sure my aging graphics card is up to the task of running a AAA game and streaming, but if I decide to do that I’ll post about it on my Bluesky, or you can just preemptively follow me on Twitch.

👚 Wearing - We’ve started creeping into warmer weather, with some random days peaking in the 80s. But I’m still living in this perfect pair of fleece joggers. There’s nothing fancy or special about them, they’re just hella comfy. I haven’t yet figured out how to style them for wearing out of the house but I love that casual cool girl sweats-and-sneakers vibe, conceptually. Maybe next autumn…

So, that’s that. Pretty neat, huh? You just read a week’s worth of introspective ramblings (2500 words!) and for that I thank you. This whole thing is absolutely going to evolve over time, but I needed to get the ball rolling sooner than not or I’d literally never send the thing. 😬

Feel free to introduce yourself or say hi or ask a question or let me know if the text is too small or whatever. But despite what I said earlier there really is no pressure to do so! As of scheduling this to send, there are a whole 42(!) of you, and if you all write me I’m going to get scared and hide.

So, barring that, I’ll aim to do this again in about a week, because anything longer and we move back into overthinking territory. Until then, try to remember that not everyone is out to get you. I totally get why you’d think that, but for real some people do operate in the world with good intentions; go find them. Or, bonus round: be that person for someone else.

xox,

Next time I’ll have this footer section a bit more fancied up, but in the meantime if you’re so inspired, you can drop me a tip on Ko-fi, follow me on my SFW Instagram, or follow me on Bluesky (may contain tits and/or ass; please set your moderation filters accordingly). In general my username is merrickmonroe, so that does make it pretty easy to find me wherever I am (if I’m there at all).