Well I guess my city is now on the “brink of war” or something. As much as I try to not post politics… it seems like the politics are coming to me nonetheless.

I remember in high school I had a great American Politics teacher my junior(?) year who did a very good job of teaching us to not just listen to what he said and write it down as fact, but to learn to analyze the situation based on actual information and logical deduction. He showed us the “scary” photos circulated by the media and broke down the technical elements being documented, so that we’d learn to tell the difference between fact and propaganda. This was not too many years after the big WTO protests, when 9/11 was still fresh and we were right at the beginning of the Bush Jr. presidency. So, there was a lot of… educational fodder to observe and learn from. Eventually, I moved to Portland, which my teacher had fondly referred to as the “anarchy capital of America”.

In 2011, I was asked to photograph the Occupy Portland encampment for Coilhouse magazine, which was one of the longer-running, more stable camps of the Occupy movement. The article itself links to my now-dead Flickr account for more, but I do still have the photos and should do something with them, as you could just as easily think they were taken yesterday. They are, unfortunately, still rather relevant.

Then 2020, and the Black Lives Matter movement and George Floyd protests/demonstrations began, and began in earnest; we all had plenty of time on our hands. I didn’t talk about it much at the time, but I was regularly harassed by giant pickup trucks with tinted windows, PVC pipes attached to the trug bed trailing wind-tattered American flags, the drivers slowing down to follow me as I walked with my dog or ran errands. I started keeping at least a few non-black clothing options on hand in case I want to leave my house without looking like I’m part of some imagined elite paramilitary terrorist organization. (Cue: dramatic eyeroll.)

But now it’s happening again; I’m out on a walk with my dog in my rather busy neighborhood and some young white man in a cowboy hat that’s never seen horseback walks up behind Irma and woops at her, trying to intimidate her into reacting. For as much as she barks at any perceived risk to her property (me), she didn’t take the bait, and just turned to passively look at him with an expression that said, “you’re not a real threat to her”. I, however, was more than happy to call him a fucking rude little ass clown as he did some meme-like cowboy walk down the street loudly exclaiming “Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha!”

What. The fuck.

The mayor got together with a group of his buddies/fellow politicians and is telling us that the federal troops moving in are also bait, and we shouldn’t respond to their attempts to instigate violence. Right. Meanwhile, nice white people are posting videos from their nice houses in nice tree-lined suburbs on the other side of town, saying, “Hello from the war-torn hell of Portland!” Meanwhile there are businesses in my neighborhood that only months ago removed the boards from their windows, after 5 years, because the risks keep risking yet nobody has stepped up to “take the bait”; I expect they’re regretting that decision today.

ANYwayyyy. As promised, I wanted to do a breakdown of some newsletter datas, including subscriber surveys. This may be interesting, or may not be? But since I don’t usually pay attention to all that, it was nice to poke my head in to see what’s going on back there. Also the usual stuff.

☑️ Done and Done - First full (“full”) week back at camming complete(!), and I learned a lot. Also spent most of the week with my jaw sort of dislocated in the way that it do, which slowed me down on accomplishing some other things. But I did get a lot of sleep about it. Went on two long walks with Irma, one was 2.5 miles(?!). Had lunch with a friend. Continued to clean & tidy and devise new schedules and routines for new work.

📋 Coming up - Dentist appointment 1 of 3 (for me) on Monday, vet appointment (for Irma) on Thursday. Sitting in on this panel: Navigating the New Age of Online Censorship, from Aylo (parent company of Pornhub, Brazzers, and more) & the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Also v v excited for the Bandcamp listening party for Nocturnal Birding, the new album from Author & Punisher. Weekly focus: loose content/photoshoot planning and review for October’s content calendar.

So, four months of weekly newsletters! That’s wild. I thought this would be an opportune moment to look at the two subscriber surveys I’ve done, so we can all get to know each other a bit better. 🥰

First, my more recent embedded poll: What do you want to hear more of?

For this I offered a short list of some of my more obvious recurring sections, with the opportunity to write in another option if there was something y’all wanted me to speak more on. The top spot was a tie between Under the Desk and Vibe Check, which doesn’t surprise me to be honest. Vibe Checks tend to garner the most reply responses to any single newsletter, and I do enjoy having the opportunity to reveal some of the rather unsexy inner workings of sex work. Second place was a tie between Bullet Journaling and Cooking/Recipes, so, duly noted, especially since I’ve not done too much of either of those things! Toolbox/Workbench got one single vote (I see you, fellow process nerd!!).

There was also my Very Unofficial Survey Thing, which you filled out upon subscribing to this here newsletter (and hey, thanks again for doing that!!). This was only five questions but there’s sooo much variety in the responses I received, and lots of interesting “audience segmentation” data that I don’t intend to take any practical action on beyond just, you know, thinking about ya and what you may find interesting.

I asked what type of work do you do? but some folks responded by checking almost every box available so either the question was a little too vague or we really have some serious multi-hyphenates in the audience!! (I was, for the record, asking about your primary source of income, which I should have said but I was trying to be informal, my bad.) 25% of subscribers who responded describe themselves as doing some sort of creative work, with the next largest sector being tech industry… with a lot of crossover between the two (samesies). Also, shout out to the roughly dozen of my fellow entrepreneurs and business owners!! Almost everyone who checked “freelancer” also checked “artist/creative” which is like, lol yeah sounds right. All but one person (😘) involved in spicy work are also SFW creators or have other forms of employment; in that, I love seeing how many people doing any form of content creation really are dabbling in a lot of different fields.

I also asked about what personal topics you like to read about, and of the 52 people who filled out this survey, there were 295 responses to this question! 😱 There were only 10 options, so I’ll just drop the ranking below, from Highest to Lowest. What’s interesting to me about this question is that I wrote this survey right when the newsletter was launched and I really didn’t know what I’d be doing with it or how it would evolve, and I think, comparing this to the poll I posted above, the “where I started” to “where I am” aligns pretty well! And also gives me more ideas about topics I could start adding to the mix.

Now, my favourite question. I asked you to tell me about something you’re lovingly obsessed with and your answers varied from sweet and endearing to incredibly succinct and plenty nerdy. Like, a lot of you play video games, but there’s 5 of you who are super into Warhammer 40k and painting minis… do you want me to set up a playdate?? Ha! Lots of folks are going hard on their TV shows, musicians, and book authors of choice and I got some interesting recs to look into. I loved how many people are lovingly obsessed with animals… from crow friends to Siberian huskies to the more specific treehopper insects and European Hares. Also lots of foodies and chefs, and lots of gardeners! Lastly, some of the responses that made me go “same” or “aww” included:

Lastly but not leastly, the most important question of the entire survey: When it comes to breakfast, do you prefer sweet or savory? Are you down bad for the morning sugar rush of waffles, pancakes, and other sweet and delectable baked goods, or do you take the more adult-coded path of eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, or even quiche? The answer, was, overwhelmingly: savory. While both have their place, I’m a savory girl too.

Onto some greater data insights that don’t really affect much of anything but can be interesting to see nonetheless. This newsletter has an average open rate of 73%, meaning that of the 67 subscribers, each email gets open by about 50 people. Solid! And the click-through rate (% of people who actually click the links included in the emails) is around 17%, which is pretty high! So, yay, I’m glad you’re enjoying the links I include as either recommended reading or supplemental informations. Also, anecdotally, most people open the email within the first hour or so, which tbh makes me feel hella perceived!! LOL but still I appreciate your anticipation of my ramblings; I think the comment I’ve gotten the most, from several of you, is that this is your favourite newsletter read of the week, for which I humbly thank you.

As for revenue. I’ve had three people subscribe to the ad-free option at the current year-long rate of $20/year, so that’s $60 in paid subscription revenue; nobody has subscribed at $2/mo which I’m a little disappointed by if only as a vanity metric (but, maybe you’re subscribed to me…elsewhere, or clicking on ads, so I’m not too butt-hurt about it). Ad-wise, I’ve earned $64.89 since I started embedding ads in June, averaging approximately $20/month in ad revenue. That’s pretty nice!! And considering that’s with only 1-3 click throughs per ad… that’s nothing to sneeze at, and thanks to the readers who do give me that little weekly bump! Now, I do pay for extended features on Beehiiv, to the tune of $39.99/month, which means that I’ve spent $200 to run this newsletter… but after the above revenue it’s more like $75 net loss for these past 5 months.

At some point I’d like to do a deep dive of the most popular links and all that jazz, buuut I think we’ve covered enough statistical newsletter pedantry for this particular missive. I hope that was interesting for you? I like offering up some transparency on this whole thing. As I’ve said, I try to not pay too much attention to the data analytics or things, as that’s where creativity goes to die, reborn as performance compliance. And while yes there is an amount of being a content creator that has to favor creating the content your fans want to consume, we still must hold the boundary of creative spirit, working within the realms and topics that are most interesting to us.

Anyway and also once again, thanks for subscribing, thanks for reading, thanks for being interested (and interesting!). It is, truly, appreciated. 💜

For the first time in a few years, I missed journaling on the night following the moon, on account of taking a muscle relaxer and passing tf out from pain exhaustion. Oops! But the moon, she does not mind. The whole point of a journal practice is that you are allowed to make mistakes, and then you pick it back up and keep going. The goal is just to do it, but it’s often we ourselves who set rigid limits that inhibit our own ability to follow through. That’s why I chose to match the cycles of the moon! It’s whatever.

Being back in cam life has me feeling rather nostalgic, and reflective. My life 20 years ago was a fair bit different than it is now, but also, it wasn’t. There’s a lot that’s the same, and there’s a lot that’s improved. I’d like to think I’ve improved, though I hold no delusions about being life perfect; there is always more waiting. At the same time, I feel… very protective of what I’ve built in these decades, for myself and my life. Despite every set back and upset, to still be rocking down the same path as 20, 25 years ago feels very vindicating. And validating, yes.

Fresh starts are nice, too, but at a certain point in your life, it’s hard to commit to a clean slate. When I think back, I get exhausted just thinking about the number of times I’ve had to start fresh. Close out one life, start again, rinse and repeat until clean. At a certain point, I begin to wonder, do I really have to hit reset?? It’s such a huge set back, always adding 6-12 months minimum to any single goal in life because that’s about how long it takes to reestablish oneself. I’m tired grampa, I want to rest. I hear there’s a thing people do called “thriving” and idk but sounds pretty neat.

I don’t think I have it in my right now for a hard reset. The cycles repeat regardless; the moon shines on. Everything old is new again.

📺 Watching - I finally watched Sinners (2025). I’d considered waiting until October, but it is technically autumn now, and I’ve been working really hard and not watching much of anything, so I needed a treat. I expect to watch it a few more times over the coming season; it’s definitely the kind of movie I’ll buy a physical copy of, though I might snag the soundtrack/score in the meantime. Amusingly, the first song that came up on my iTunes shuffle immediately after watching this? Puscifer’s Rev 22:20 (He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen, come lord Jesus!), and it felt… eerily like the movie was inspired in some way by the song?? Idk I’m just saying!!

🎵 Listening - Given the amount of you who are into Warhammer, I feel I’m contractually obligated to bring this album to your attention: The Devastation of Baal, by Seregost x Haudh. I have a handful of albums by Seregost (and this one will certainly be added to it; premium gaming music imo) but I’d say Singvla Carmina MMXXI is my fave of the lot. Haudh is new to me.

🍝 Eating - I’ve been eating a lot of soups and pastas because of my jaw being messed up, sadly, and not because of the change in seasons; I imagine this trend will continue as I go through three consecutive weeks of dental work (pray for Mojo).

📕 Reading - Alas, I’m back on my bedtime spicy/romantasy digital comics habit! The last time this was occurring, I was reading a lot a lot of Manta Comics with the light off, and just truly fucking my sleep hygiene into oblivion; this time I’m reading on the Webtoon app with at least a small bedside lamp on to offset the blue light, and it’s helping. But I find myself feeling underwhelmed with story selection so I might be back on Manta before too long…

👕 Wearing - I love a good purse but my go-to bag that is always loaded and ever at the ready is a tote from Baggu; I got it maybe a decade ago after seeing an acquaintance carrying one and he gave me the deets. Heavier fabric than your usual $10 tote, and pleasantly neutral with zero designs on it, just nice heavy canvas and various straps and handles to customize your carry. And while Baggu no longer make the exact same bag, they have this updated version with a zipper(!), which I might need to upgrade too considering how many times I’ve had shit fall out of mine when getting out of a vehicle. (I also have a standard Baggu in a sport mesh-type fabric, which I always have in my tote lol.)

⚔️ While I’d like to think we’re all hip to the ways Viking women went beyond “shield maiden” status to actual warriors, the work of confirming this continues. I found historian Liz Bourke’s analysis of Viking burial sites really interesting not for any particular revelations, but the way she held space for shifting gender roles within Viking cultures; if female-born warriors were simply their own thing, no longer considered “women” in any traditional sense, would they have been documented as female Vikings? (Source: author of the piece Liz Bourke on Bsky)

👟 Chubby white guys in their late 30s to early 40s rejoice as New Balance gains traction as a Gen Z-approved shoe. This was a trend that I’ve been aware of, for both demographics, but it’s very interesting to hear some insight on just how New Balance broke out of their dad shoe chains to enter a new, more youthful market. (But where does Gen Z land on tucking tshirts into jeans??)

💁‍♀️ It’s very funny to me when the worst thing someone can think of to say about my work is that it’s “just a bunch of selfies”. Yeah, I do take all my photos myself! Artists been creating self-portraits since art became a thing; documentation of the self is still a worthy creative pursuit (just as Joseph Ducreux).

🪙 While I’m not the biggest fan of crypto, I can understand why it’s become so prevalent in the adult industry. So I really liked reading Why Crypto is the Best Weapon Against Overreaching Censorship - How Porn and Video Games are Canaries in a Mineshaft, a very thorough piece published by SpankChain. I’m not going to say that crypto is a solution by any means, but the allure—and benefit—is real for a lot of American markets.

🙄 I need men to stop asking me if I’m okay when I repost dumb shit on the Internet and caption it “mood”. “Hey are you doing okay?” Idk man are you okay? Are any of us? Can’t a woman just post dumb shit on the Internet without boys thinking she’s having a mental breakdown (and then trying to white knight themselves into the picture?)? Can’t we trim our bangs without men thinking we’re “reclaiming ourselves”?? Let me liiiiiiiiiive!

Sooo maybe not, like, thee moste exciting email?? 😅 But we must sometimes peer into the weeds to find the wildflowers, eh? And what defines a “weed” anyway. I think the term is rather colonizer-coded, whereas I’m more of a “tear out your lawns and plant clover and native species” kind of girl.

Remember to leave your phones at home when you go out to dangle donuts in front of the very manly mans employed by the federal government. Also if it’s in your budget to support a local small business, maybe hit up that friendly neighborhood donut shop and ask them for a dozen day-olds, to share with your comrades.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, including but not limited to getting caught!! And I’ll see you next week, pending hostile takeover, idk.

xox,